Now I understand how it feels to be miserable.
Misery is when you know something does not worth your tears and thoughts but you have no control over your mind and couldn't stop thinking about it. The worse part comes when you seem to look perfectly okay outside, it's a chaos inside, where you find yourself miserably hoping that it was just a bad dream and wish you could just wake up.
And what's even more miserable, I don't even know why am I miserable for, who's my audience for being like this? Part of me says "I hope you see how miserable you made me." but the other part knows you probably wouldn't even care, even if you do, the thought of me making myself miserable just to get a little bit more of your attention and pathetically and sinfully hoping that you will feel bad just makes me feel even worse. Why am I even degrading myself with these wicked thoughts.
I really don't know how to pull out, and even at this moment, me writing this post, I'm not even sure if I want you to see this, but I just need to vent it out.
Oh I forgot to mention the miraculous part, despite all the memories haunting my mind, deep down I knew I already forgave you, completely. And maybe that's the only reason why I am so miserable now.